The Russians Are Coming... The Russians Are Coming!!!
I was at a remote CIA building that was really like a HUGE high school type building when a group of russian terrorists came in and took everyone hostage. I kept trying to tell them that they were making me late for work and I had to go, but they wouldn't let me leave. They starting giving everyone "inoculations" with a needle gun type thing only it had 3 needles that they jabbed into your arm and injected some kind of thick green serum.
They said they were going to bomb the whole area with some kind of chemical and they were experimenting with us to see if they could make us immune. I somehow found the leader's daughter and seduced her with my grammar school russian and soon had her spooning naked with me on the floor. I had her talked into helping me escape when a bunch of henchmen stormed in and whisked us all away to another location. Once we got to the other location this big fat russian took myself and a couple of other hostages in an old 60-ish convertible. He said we were going to get something to eat. I told him that I had left my jacket with my wallet in it back at the original building and since he wouldn't want to pay for my food, would he mind stopping by the other building so I could run in and get my wallet. What I really wanted were my keys that were in my jacket so I could escape in my truck and inform the police.
He agreed to let me back in the building, but he said he would get in trouble if anyone knew, so since they had people at the front door I would have to sneak in through a side entrance. He pulled up to a brick wall and I had to get on top of the car and jump onto a fire escape and go in through a small window. He said I had to be back in 10 minutes or he would call the other bad guys and have them kill me.
Once I was inside I realized I was on the completely wrong side of the building and I was going to have to really hurry to get to my keys. As I was running through the building I came out into this enormous indoor shopping center, there was a Best Buy, Ikea, and a whole bunch of strange named stores I had never heard of. I seemed to be running very slowly and was making very little progress. I was running through a particularly busy area and this woman in front of me changed her course and I ran into her. I turned as I continued to run and told her I was really sorry, but I couldn't stop. She started yelling and me and followed me telling me to come back and apologize, since I was running so slow, I couldn't seem to get away from her. She kept cursing at me and finally told me that she was going to get her huge scary husband to kick my ass. He came around the corner and he was huge, but by the time he got up to me, he was a midget the size of Vern Troy (Mini Me) and I stopped and put my hand on his head while he attempted to kick and punch me. When he tired out and sat down I apologized again and turned and was actually able to run at full speed finally!
I came to this outdoor area and it was just one big long stadium of football field after football field. Turns out it was all of the South Eastern Conference (SEC) teams and they were all playing games. I stopped at the Alabama - Arkansas game long enough to see Mark Guillon throw a touchdown pass to Jimmy Johns, I screamed "ROLL TIDE!!!" and then I was back off to the races.
Why didn't I just stop and tell someone that I saw what was going on? I have no idea, to me the only option was to get to my car so I could go tell the cops.
I finally get to where my jacket is, but I'm not outside and I have to get back in. However, there are all these russians out front and they are taking down names in a book, like a check-in list. As I'm about to go up to the woman at the front to check in I see my girlfriend. I go up to her and tell her to go to the parking lot and find my truck and wait for me there until I can get my keys, then we'll go to the cops together. So, as I'm going up to the check-in list she walks up and stands next to me and says she didn't want to go to the truck all alone. I'm like WTF!! now they're going to take you prisoner too! So, they want her to sign in and they find out she was not a previous prisoner, so they throw her on the ground and inject her with the needles. This one big guy is sitting on her and she's screaming at him just not to touch the goods, so of course he starts patting her down and starts beating her breasts like a drum. He announces, "We got some real hard boobies here boss, I think they are fake ones."
So, I tell her to shut up and do what they want so they don't hurt her, and they take her away.
At this point, I woke up from the dream and had to go use the bathroom. I came back to bed, laid down and went back to sleep and went right back into the dream:
I'm in my truck, escaping with my keys and wallet somehow. Instead of going to the cops, I decided to go to my friend Jake's house, who can speak MUCH better russian than me. I had a plan, I was going to have him act like he was one of the terrorists and he could go in and get my girlfriend back for me. I went in to his house and he was sitting there playing a video game. I told him what was going on, but he didn't want to stop his game. I'm yelling at him and then told him he could pause his game and I'd take him back home before I went to the cops, so he agrees to do it.
I get him in the car and we drive up to the front of the building and I let him out. At this point I realize he has a pair of boxers on and a black and pink robe and that's it. The robe says in big letters across the back "PRINCE". He walked up to the front and they wanted him to sign in, but he just started yelling at them in Russian and they let him in thinking he was one of them. He went in and was back out with her in less than 10 minutes. We jumped in the car, dropped him back off at home and went to the police station and that's when I woke up.
They said they were going to bomb the whole area with some kind of chemical and they were experimenting with us to see if they could make us immune. I somehow found the leader's daughter and seduced her with my grammar school russian and soon had her spooning naked with me on the floor. I had her talked into helping me escape when a bunch of henchmen stormed in and whisked us all away to another location. Once we got to the other location this big fat russian took myself and a couple of other hostages in an old 60-ish convertible. He said we were going to get something to eat. I told him that I had left my jacket with my wallet in it back at the original building and since he wouldn't want to pay for my food, would he mind stopping by the other building so I could run in and get my wallet. What I really wanted were my keys that were in my jacket so I could escape in my truck and inform the police.
He agreed to let me back in the building, but he said he would get in trouble if anyone knew, so since they had people at the front door I would have to sneak in through a side entrance. He pulled up to a brick wall and I had to get on top of the car and jump onto a fire escape and go in through a small window. He said I had to be back in 10 minutes or he would call the other bad guys and have them kill me.
Once I was inside I realized I was on the completely wrong side of the building and I was going to have to really hurry to get to my keys. As I was running through the building I came out into this enormous indoor shopping center, there was a Best Buy, Ikea, and a whole bunch of strange named stores I had never heard of. I seemed to be running very slowly and was making very little progress. I was running through a particularly busy area and this woman in front of me changed her course and I ran into her. I turned as I continued to run and told her I was really sorry, but I couldn't stop. She started yelling and me and followed me telling me to come back and apologize, since I was running so slow, I couldn't seem to get away from her. She kept cursing at me and finally told me that she was going to get her huge scary husband to kick my ass. He came around the corner and he was huge, but by the time he got up to me, he was a midget the size of Vern Troy (Mini Me) and I stopped and put my hand on his head while he attempted to kick and punch me. When he tired out and sat down I apologized again and turned and was actually able to run at full speed finally!
I came to this outdoor area and it was just one big long stadium of football field after football field. Turns out it was all of the South Eastern Conference (SEC) teams and they were all playing games. I stopped at the Alabama - Arkansas game long enough to see Mark Guillon throw a touchdown pass to Jimmy Johns, I screamed "ROLL TIDE!!!" and then I was back off to the races.
Why didn't I just stop and tell someone that I saw what was going on? I have no idea, to me the only option was to get to my car so I could go tell the cops.
I finally get to where my jacket is, but I'm not outside and I have to get back in. However, there are all these russians out front and they are taking down names in a book, like a check-in list. As I'm about to go up to the woman at the front to check in I see my girlfriend. I go up to her and tell her to go to the parking lot and find my truck and wait for me there until I can get my keys, then we'll go to the cops together. So, as I'm going up to the check-in list she walks up and stands next to me and says she didn't want to go to the truck all alone. I'm like WTF!! now they're going to take you prisoner too! So, they want her to sign in and they find out she was not a previous prisoner, so they throw her on the ground and inject her with the needles. This one big guy is sitting on her and she's screaming at him just not to touch the goods, so of course he starts patting her down and starts beating her breasts like a drum. He announces, "We got some real hard boobies here boss, I think they are fake ones."
So, I tell her to shut up and do what they want so they don't hurt her, and they take her away.
At this point, I woke up from the dream and had to go use the bathroom. I came back to bed, laid down and went back to sleep and went right back into the dream:
I'm in my truck, escaping with my keys and wallet somehow. Instead of going to the cops, I decided to go to my friend Jake's house, who can speak MUCH better russian than me. I had a plan, I was going to have him act like he was one of the terrorists and he could go in and get my girlfriend back for me. I went in to his house and he was sitting there playing a video game. I told him what was going on, but he didn't want to stop his game. I'm yelling at him and then told him he could pause his game and I'd take him back home before I went to the cops, so he agrees to do it.
I get him in the car and we drive up to the front of the building and I let him out. At this point I realize he has a pair of boxers on and a black and pink robe and that's it. The robe says in big letters across the back "PRINCE". He walked up to the front and they wanted him to sign in, but he just started yelling at them in Russian and they let him in thinking he was one of them. He went in and was back out with her in less than 10 minutes. We jumped in the car, dropped him back off at home and went to the police station and that's when I woke up.
posted by kchertu at 3/13/2006 02:26:00 PM
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