Woke up next to a stranger. Thank you Donald Trump.

This was some crazy shit last night, unfortunately I can't really remember that much,

I know there was a LOT more...

I'm at this bar where there's tons of people and Donald Trump is walking around taking pics. He comes up to me, hands me the camera and says, here son take pics of hot chicks and their tattoos, tits, whatever... for me. It'll get you laid, I promise, and give me the camera back when you're done.


I realize I haven't brushed my teeth in days and they're all gunked up and my breath is horrible, so I ask Catherine Zeta Jones, who is apparently my friend to get me a toothbrush and some toothpaste. Right after that some woman gets caught stealing stuff. I start taking pics of her while she's being arrested she gets mad at me yelling and spitting at me, I act like I'm going to hit her, she starts threatening me that she's going to sue. I'm still taking pics of her. She's serious white trash.

I wake up the next day in bed next to some chick I've never seen. I get out of bed to go to the bathroom and this house is amazing. Some old white dude is going into the bathroom and there are 4 sinks, so we both go in, he starts shaving but spills water all over the place. There's this silver vacuum like thing on the floor and he points to it and says, "That thing's great for picking up water." So, I start using it, but it starts smoking and when I read on the side, it's just a regular vacuum, NOT for picking up water. Bastard!

I go sit on couch this real hot black chic breaks up with her boyfriend
right in front of me and she's just wearing panties and a bra. Then he gets on a bicycle in the house, he's pissed and rides it out the door. The chick that I woke up with comes out and just kind of mentions in conversation that she just broke up with this serial killer that she was going out with who was in prison. He has AIDS, I wasn't happy about this. In fact, I calculated in my head what day 6 months would be so I could get my test.

She leaves and the black chick comes up to me and says, "Why you trippin" because obviously I was freaked out. I told her and she grabs my hard dick and says "You don't got AIDS bitch, I'll swallow your cum to prove it to you". Which she proceeds to do. Not bad... but I'm still afraid.

I left there and went to another house that I apparantly needed something out of, the front door was open, but when I went in to the Living Room, there were two black guys sitting on the couch, one of them was smoking a bong while the other one was sucking the other guys ENORMOUS dick. The guy getting his dick sucked was the new ex of the chick that just sucked mine. I acted like I didn't see them, went to a bookshelf and grabbed a book. They said something about me getting my ass out of there, and I said, "The door was open fellas." and then they started bitching at somebody for leaving the door open. When I turned around there was this 12 yr old kid sitting there on a chair by the door playing a gameboy.

I ran out to the car and just wanted to get the hell out of there and there were 3 other guys there and they were laughing at me, because they apparently all knew the 2 guys smoked each other.

After that it gets hazy, I was going to some broken down apartment building that some friends of mine lived in, I remember having a conversation with my friend who just lost 25k in Vegas this weekend, and I was asking about how that felt. I can't remember anything else...